GIVING UP A LITTLE TO KEEP WHAT’S WORTH IT
“If you truly love me, you will accept me for who I am.”
True of False?
Whenever married couples argue about something that’s related to their personal life or their character or personality, this question always surfaces up in conversations. What do you think is the answer? Is it true or do you think its false.
The correct answer is FALSE.
Though there is acceptance, there is always room for CHANGE, especially when it is necessary.
Your spouse loves you, that’s why he/she decided to marry you. But to keep your marriage improving, love is not just the answer. Accepting your spouse for who they are is a proof of love. On the other hand, refusing to change who you are for the sake of your spouse and of your marriage is just simply selfishness. Marriage is alive. It is something that grows as you nurture it together as husband and wife. And when you refuse to change for the better, you hinder the improvement of your marriage. Just like acceptance, learning to adjust or change for your spouse and for your marriage is also a proof of not just love, but commitment as well.
In a similar way when fighting battles, people tend to say that we must never give up. However, things aren’t always like that especially when it comes to marriage. When you get married, love isn’t enough to keep your marriage. To be married means to be more responsible and committed to your spouse. And to do so, you have to give up or learn to avoid a few things to keep your marriage going and improving.
Here are a few things that you must CHANGE, AVOID OR STOP completely once you get married:
1. Overtime On Social Media
Having a social media account today has become more of a necessity in order to keep being connected with friends and at work. And there’s nothing wrong with it. However, if you have an account on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Skype and all other kinds of social media applications and you’re spending too much time with it, then that’s where things begin to go wrong especially if you’re already married. It is not healthy consuming your time on all of these while not dedicating any more time with your spouse. This might create a gap between your relationship. Balance the time you spend with the different aspects of your life and make sure that your spouse is still the one who consumes the majority of your time.
2. Prioritizing other people or other things beside your spouse
If you are still single, your topmost priority is usually yourself or sometimes your parents or family. However, when you enter a married life, things have to change whether you like it or not. Your priorities in life must be straightened up, otherwise, you will make your spouse feel insignificant or disregarded. Though your siblings, parents and relatives are also your family, once you marry someone, your spouse becomes your family too. You are now at the stage of building your own family and they must become your first priority, and not anyone or anything else. Your spouse becomes your responsibility and therefore, they become of prime importance in your life.
3. Keeping your finances to yourself
Some couples find this easy to handle, but to others, money and budgeting can still cause a big problem. There are people who are very concern in terms of money matters. Knowing how to manage your money is a good quality and it is important in marriage. However, too much of it can turn into greed hiding in the cloak of thriftiness. You have to set some boundaries in managing and handling money. Don’t keep it to yourself. Being married to someone means you have to share and work together in improving what you have, and that includes money. Discuss money matters with each other. Share the expenses and save money together. Don’t pressure or stress your spouse by letting him/ her carry the burden of financial matters while you are keeping your own money from him/her. Plant together. Harvest together.
4. Being too friendly with the opposite sex
Being friendly is a good attitude. It might actually be one of your best traits which your spouse had fallen in love with. But no matter how pure your intention is on being friendly with someone, learning to avoid it once you get married is necessary to keep your marriage. We are all capable of feeling jealousy because it is part of our human nature. And if you don’t distance yourself from being too friendly with the opposite sex, your spouse will most likely feel jealous. The worst thing is if they try to suppress until it suddenly explodes and creates a problem in your marriage. Wounds can heal, but they leave scars. So avoid those scars by not causing wounds in your marriage.
5. Frequently going out with friends
Whether it is with the opposite sex or not, frequently going out with your friends is something that you must avoid when you’re already married. Go out with your friends from time to time, not all the time. That kind of lifestyle is only suited for single people. Remember that you already have responsibilities as a married person. Don’t leave your spouse lonely at home while you’re out somewhere having all the fun you could get.
6. Being too controlling over your partner
We are used to being in control of our life and sometimes, even with other people. But being too controlling over your spouse could eventually choke and cause them to leave you. Being married means we have to lose some control and let our spouse have some of it. In marriage, you are not the only captain of your ship. Your spouse also has the right and losing that control begins by recognizing that “right”. The unity in marriage is all about sharing the control with your spouse over the marriage, and not over each other.
7. Frequently chatting or texting someone from the opposite sex
Say for instance, you notice your spouse frequently texting his/her new colleague who turns out to be someone very attractive. Your spouse spends most of his/her time texting that colleague, even when the two of you are already about to go to bed. He/she spends less time talking to you, and more time texting that colleague. How would you react or feel? Would you tell your spouse about it?
Perhaps yes, perhaps no.
Telling or not telling your spouse about it is not really the problem. The problem lies with how your spouse’s action had made you feel. Did you feel jealous? Did you start doubting your spouse? Jealousy, doubt, mistrust – we must avoid letting our spouse feel these negative emotions as this will hurt both your marriage and your spouse. And though it hasn’t happened yet, not distancing yourself through texting the opposite sex can eventually bring you closer together and lead to infidelity, which can ruin your marriage. Don’t rely on the cure. Prevent it, while you still can.
8. Sleeping out
I have never experienced sleeping out with friends when I was still single. And now that I am already married, I have completely given up on the idea. It is tempting. It is regretful that I have never, for once, experienced it. But it will be more regretful if a very shallow reason such as sleeping out would be the cause of problems in my marriage. As a married person, you have a spouse, a family to go home to. Going out from time to time with some friends is fine. But sleeping out is definitely a big NO. That is a complete sign of disrespect to your matrimony and to your spouse. Exemptions can happen, given that you’ve gotten the permission of your spouse to let you sleep out due to work reasons, health issues and other kinds of emergencies.
9. Checking out or keeping nude pictures of the opposite sex
The internet today has made everything accessible, from searching valuable information up to checking out and even saving nude pictures of the opposite sex. This is fairly common especially for single men and women actively searching and yearning for partners. If you are already married, why bother checking out and even keeping these nude pictures? That could only mean that you are not sexually satisfied or interested with your spouse. This kind of behavior is already a sign of disloyalty to your spouse and it could lead to worse cases such as seeking sexual pleasure from other people whom you find sexually attractive. Pay attention to your spouse only. Be satisfied or satisfy your yearning with the nudity they have shown you, inside and out.
10. Wearing clothes that are too revealing or inappropriate
Men or women - there are many out there who tend to dress inappropriately with the belief that it is their freedom of expression through fashion. But certain limitations have to be set especially when you are already married. If you used to like wearing revealing clothes, then you better have a wardrobe replacement. Do not get mad at your spouse when they try to ask you to change what you are wearing. They are simply trying to keep you away from dirty insults you might get from other people. Beauty is not measured by how much skin you show. In the same way, respect is something that we earn. And it all begins with how we dress. Respect your spouse by being sensitive of what you wear. What matters the most is how beautiful you look for your spouse, and not for other people.
11. Drugs, gambling, smoking, drinking
If you used to enjoy doing any of these vices, then you have to give them up once you get married. Smoking and drinking on rare occasions is acceptable, but doing drugs and gambling are poisonous to your marriage. Be a responsible spouse by learning to give up these worldly things. There are other kinds of hobbies that you can turn to instead of these vices.
12. Lying or Keeping secrets from your spouse
To maintain a healthy relationship with your husband and or wife, it is important to be open to them as much as possible. Always try to discuss things to each other, whether it is bad or good. Your spouse deserves the truth about you and about anything that can potentially harm or affect your marriage. Avoiding to lie or to keep secrets between each other is the key to maintaining that trust and loyalty intact in your marriage.
13. Putting blame on each other
Encountering problems or challenges is an inevitable part of marriage. It can either make or break your relationship as husband and wife. And the first step to breaking it is when you start putting blame on one another whenever you encounter a problem. It can turn into a habit which eventually piles up and explodes. Putting blame on each other is something that you must stop or else, your problems will remain unresolved and continuously worsen.
14. Digging up past mistakes and saying hurtful words
Marriages are composed of a cycle of mistakes and chances to make up for it. But there are times when we get too angry that we end up digging mistakes and saying hurtful words. Once you decide to give your spouse a chance to make up for the mistake he/she has done, do not ruin it by digging it up again and rubbing it on his/her face. And don’t accompany it with saying hurtful words out of anger. These thoughtless actions leave a mark on your spouse that they might carry for a long time and this can weaken the bond you have in your marriage. Control your emotions. Control your anger because “sorry” doesn’t erase bad memories.
15. Thinking about divorce or separation
Above anything else, whatever problem you face in your marriage, except for abuse of addiction, don’t resort to divorce or separation. Don’t treat divorce as an option to fix things. It is more of an escape from the struggle of marriage.
No other aspect of your life, no matter how good it is, can compensate for the lack of love in your marriage. When you have love in your life, nothing else matters. If you don’t have it, nothing else is really enough. Building a phenomenal love means to make your spouse and your marriage the absolute highest priority in your life. Prioritize your spouse and you’ll have a soulmate. Prioritize something else and you’ll be married to it. Whatever it is that you have to give up for the sake of marriage, remember that it is all worth it.
